Merry New Year

It’s going to be 2023 in a couple days. I hope it’s been a pleasant journey for most of you and will get better in the next year. The last two years were of course a huge backpedal so plans were disrupted, world wide. Now that the worlds is seemingly recovering, I’d like to use this opportunity to be grateful of my own personal progress. I dare myself to embrace my failures.

Given that, let me acknowledge how it hasn’t always been the smooth trip we’d all long for.

2009: Chose social sciences for undergraduate study despite having a stronger edge on natural science in high school. To date I still question whether it was a good decision or no.

2010: still have no idea what were I doing as a university student. Joined advertising study group out of FOMO. Tried to leave debate.

2011: My friends have considered internship and flipping through options in Jakarta. I was indoctrinated that Jakarta and working for someone is a terrible idea. Started to develop a thing for entrepreneurship despite having no experience and skills.

2012: Finished community service in Belitung and supposedly to start working on my undergraduate thesis but intentionally avoiding so for the sake of joining competitions and volunteering and part time jobs. Established Kuda Mistis Pictures and thought it will be my future. Spoiler: it did, just not the way I initially expected to be.

2013: Lost my mom and attempted to speed up working on thesis to honor her last wish. I think it somehow worked.. but I still loathed the idea of working for someone and going to Jakarta. Ran some projects with Kuda Mistis and some other part time jobs, started making money. I got no business knowledge and had poor financial management.

2014: From one project to another. Thought that the business will somehow run forever, further reiterating the thought of ‘independent work’. Completed thesis by the end of the year. Some friends have already graduated and started working.

2015: Graduated undergraduate. Jumped from one company to another and ended up in an NGO in Bali. It was almost the job of my dreams; decent pay and in Bali, but upon contract completion realized that there’s no future career in the place. Bailed, went back to Jogja and decided to apply for a scholarship of master’s degree. Of course there were bills that needed to be paid during the process so I landed a job with undecent pay in Jogja. Scored the scholarship by the end of the year.

2016: Still living from one project to another – sometimes there’s none. Most of my friends have graduated and crawled their careers in Jakarta. Because I wasn’t going to depart for another year, I was stuck. I can’t apply for a job because saying only available for a year is definitely not appealing, especially as a freshgrad.

writing this note is emotional. But I will complete it.

2017: first year in the marriage life, mostly adjusting. I got a accepted in the University of Queensland so that was a huge win nevertheless. Half of my energy was spent to prepare the departure and the remainder to survive. I could only focus on the present with high hopes that upon returning, I have a master’s degree from a top 50 university to launch my career. (spoiler: it did launch me but not solely. Food for thought to anyone thinking of taking a postgraduate study)

2018: Started my life in Brisbane and boy was it the best time of my life, ever. Got to be entirely independent and focusing on study-life balance. My wife arrived three months later and she agreed with my first sentence.

But objectively speaking, I made poor decisions (again). For example, I got a very rare opportunity to network and significantly upgrade myself yet I mostly chose to stay at home and took courses I thought I can easily get good grades, instead of courses that can help me launch my professional career.

By the end of 2018, opted to do internship in a familiar organisation in Jogja hoping that they can gauge my skills and offer a job upon my graduation. I thought this was a strategic decision, despite the numerous opportunities to do the internship in any international organisation based in Brisbane. Well, it wasn’t.

2019: on to the last two semesters of my master’s degree. Started my thesis. My wife was pregnant and gave birth to a magical boy when I was completing my thesis. Life seems amazing, I finished my study and went back to Indonesia with completely new start: having a small family, got some savings, an international master’s degree and no career. ‘that’s okay,’ I thought. ‘You’ll land a job somewhere soon’.

2020: Pre-pandemic. Remember the organisation where I did my internship? They did offer me a job but has nothing to do with my master’s degree. I hold a degree from a top 50 university and have to feed a family of three, yet the job that was offered to me come with a non-satisfactionary benefits. Declined the offer while applying frantically anywhere else.

2020: the pandemic hits the same day I got onboard to a job. Not a good one, pay was immediately cut as a ‘organisational pandemic response’ for a long while. Later realised that again, it has nothing to do with my master’s degree. Sought other opportunities and finally landed a job as a lecturer.

2021 – 2022: Started teaching and trying to understand how the profession works. Confused here and there, but I think it was well rewarding. Trusted to lead several high profile projects, started to have grip in life but wheel’s slipping every now and then.

Oh, by now, most of my friends are at the middle – upper management as they have worked for several years during my confused-and-stubborn years and master’s degree. Some others, already worked before starting their masters so they’re doing well too, I guess. I have to admit that I feel jealous and regret my wasted youth, for all the wrong decision that I made.

So yeah, regret has been a familiar friend that lingers at the back of my head for a while now. Of course I hope all of the basic wishes in 2023: health for my family and me, a peaceful life, lower fuel price, better income and financial management. But above all, I hope to regret less.

Merry new year.